Tough L♥ve

Last week was *tough* for wee yogi…
Not because of 1 small thing, but many things, over and over, the universe just kept throwing stuff at me…
….”here, now deal with this one…”
And, it wasn’t just me, it was everyone around me, experiencing ‘walls’ of difficulty, disappointments, sadness, loss, anger, fears and grief.
Life was indeed, HAPPENING.

As a result I found it almost impossible to teach the true method of Ashtanga Yoga.
Pose by pose. Core asana by core asana.
Teaching was hard last week, not because I was tired…
…It was because I desperately wanted just to be nice.
…I wanted to make things seem easy, when in reality they weren’t!
Thank goodness, somehow, I managed to keep it together and continued to focus on the point.
‘Niceness for niceness sake’ is not always a great habit to be stuck in.
Behind the desire to be nice is hidden a need to want to please others and hide the truth in case it causes pain.
Even if the pain that comes might be needed to go through something that is holding someone back from moving on.
Then I got this email form a student (no names named) and hence the title of this blog today:

Seriously though, Marich D (MARICHYASANA D is pictured above) is really a posture about humility and ego isn’t it? Because to sit there during a full led class and stop there at the front of the shala takes a LOT of humility…esp when bendy skinny people can do it so easily (or people who bend their tucked leg).
But I do appreciate you doing this and I know why you are doing it…It just feels like I am WAAAAY off being able to do it. I know I would be stopped at D in Mysore (in India) too… I will be a better teacher for having struggled with it myself.
You know me…I don’t keep my feelings to myself…of course I was a bit miffed at being ‘held back’ but that was my ego talking…I’m still human after all. I don’t have any resentment towards you for this….

Tough Love is about honesty and integrity.
Tough Love is about learning life through truth and real experiences, not hiding in the dark and hoping things will go away.

This morning the Mysore room was quieter than it has been in weeks.
Even I doubted the method for a moment as I stood at the top of my yoga mat.
Procrastinating over starting my practice…
I thought – “…maybe this isn’t good for me, for them or anyone.
…”…maybe I am a bad person/bad teacher and maybe I should just tell everyone to go ahead and do what they like!”

That said, I lifted my arms over my head and as I breathed in this first movement I remembered…
Everything we do on that mat is a direct reflection of life.
Life is tough sometimes, but it will change, it has to, it’s the law of nature!
If we don’t face it, we might miss out on something quite wonderful, a lesson, a moment of stillness, a glimpse of what it feels like to be full, content, whole.

You are loved,
Truly loved,
Especially by those who know how to love you honestly and sometimes there is toughness too.

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